Missing Max

Guess what? Life sucks without Max.

Sure, Hannah and Nic provide plenty of reasons to get up every morning. And they make life truly enjoyable. But we miss Max so much. Nic's been having a particularly troublesome time as of late. Bottom line, he misses his big brother and can't understand why he's gone, why he had to leave us, why he's not coming back. I admit, I find myself asking the same thing? Why Max?

Here's what Hannah and Nic have been up to lately...

Eating pancakes in the shape of fighter planes...

Visiting the beach...

Being cute...

Five years ago this October, we were casually concerned about the wildfires raging to the east of us. These pictures of the smoke are quite amazing.

Melis: This October we're missing a child. We're still a family of five in our minds, yet there's only four of us here everyday. We love you Max and miss you terribly.


Randee said...

And we miss him, too!! The pictures are wonderful; thank you for continuing to post as I like many others check in daily; revisit old posts and pictures and read the comments of others. Max's life has reached so far and touched and changed so many, it is still overwhelming to me. He is and will always be part of our family. I cannot imagine how much you must ache for him and how very difficult it must be every minute of each day. I am awed at how you continue to fight and move forward. Love and hugs!! Your Sis!!

deb schwedhelm photography said...

absolutely, painfully heartbreaking. i have such a lump in my throat. tears in my eyes. trying to digest it all. understand it all. yet, i never will.

i secretly wait for the email. long for the email. the email, trying to coordinate when i will shoot max this week. the email that no longer comes.

i miss max. i miss you guys.

i wish i had better words, to explain how i feel, but i don't. i'm just sad. really, really sad.
love and hugs,

Anonymous said...

Like Deb, my week begins with missing the email that would detail the week's clinic schedule and then continues when I go to greet the kids in the morning. One shining, smiling, face is missing. No salute, no "I'm perfect!", no Max.... And yet how can I complain? My grief seems woefully small compared to what you must be going through. Max was flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone, and wrenched away from your arms so very quickly. He was one VERY LOVED little boy who graced us all with his sparkle and zest for life. Know that many think of Max ALL the time and are thinking of you, too! xolisa

Anonymous said...

I am back in SD for a long visit...the visit is already soo different..No Max,on the playground to throw a ball to Libby...It's 3:00...school is out..where is that bright smile and twinkling eye blonde hair boy? Max is so missed...I miss him..my hurt is no comparision to yours..BUT 'we' also miss and wish he was still here...'we' feel a void..our hearts hurt with you. Sending you all a hug. xo Linny and Libby

Anonymous said...

Hannah looks a bit lonely at the beach...It is very hard to see pics of Hannah and Nicky and to know that they will have to move forward without their brother/best friend by their side. I hope they will always feel the bond they share with Max, and know that it will always be.


Bree said...

Max is missed so much as he made such an impact on so many. I am all teared up right remembering sweet Max and praying for comfort for you guys as I cannot begin to imagine how painful each day is without Max.
Love you guys!

Anonymous said...

Dear Andy and Melissa, Hannah and Nic,

I continue to check the blog every day, hoping and praying for your peace and comfort. I am so happy to see these beautiful, yet somehow bittersweet, photos.

While Max is dancing with angels, he is very much present in our hearts and in spirit---and even in your photographs. Just look at the way the light is reflected directly in between the two pancake fighter planes--one large pancake, one medium sized light, and one small pancake. Or how the letters of Max's name begin with a large M, move to a mid-size A, and then to a small X. Look at the small, medium, and then large wave captured in your ocean picture. He's with us, just in less obvious ways than what we are accustomed to.

Your love for Max was, is, and always will be so pure. This kind of love is what we should strive for in each of our relationships, which is why I am so grateful to you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for continuing to celebrate his life with us all.

I will continue to be here for you--just call on me when you need a friend.

With love,

Shannon B. said...

Our hearts ache for you. We think about you all and Max everyday and we wish we could help take the hurt away. We know there is a piece of your heart missing that will never be replaced and we hope to always help keep Max's memory alive.
xo, Shannon & family

Anonymous said...

I randomly came across your blog and I have been reading for the last year+; I still read and as long as you keep writing I will continue to do so. I have thought about what I would write, when I finally did comment- but the words are still lost on me. But you should know, your little boy is touching hearts all the way out here in New Jersey :)

ps- you will ALWAYS be a family of five. Always in all ways.

San Diego Mom said...

An absence pronounces itself much greater then the existence. I have no doubt that you are going to find joy, happiness, love, and peace in watching Hanna and Nick grow. But Max will always be "missing." How do you shake off that tiny feeling of "incomplete" family at the same time you try to remember Max so that you don't forget the details like Paul's dad writes? I don't know.....It's a journey no parents should bear.
My obligation to Max is to always remind Kent of his friend, whenever he feels he can't do something, whenever he feels down, whenever he feels overwhelmed, I will make him remember Max, the one who never lost his high spirit and cheerful soul in front of the horrible disease. I hope Kent, in his own way, carry on Max's legacy by living his life to the max.


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