April 3, 2007Coming up on Max's Angel-versary. Everything is hitting hard.
Almost cried just now. Max is in clinic watching a TV show where they're talking about how things change, like the seasons or how people change when they grow up. "How will you change?" they ask. Max looks at me and says, "My hair will grow back!" I'm suddenly struck by the thought of him not growing up and not having any hair ever again.
Last week I had a terrible dream about losing Max. It's hard to remember it all, and it was a dream so there isn't a good story flow, but the gist of the dream was that Max had been kidnapped and he had been gone for two whole years. But I had given up hope from the time he disappeared of every finding him. The emotions that were coursing through me were all so terrible and jumbled. It's been a week since I had that stupid nightmare and I've thought about it everyday. Really? I've had two dreams about Max since he passed and this is one of them? Great.