As I lay in bed the hole in my heart seemed so large and I wondered if it would ever shrink. I thought back to when I was pregnant with Hannah, our 1st child. She came into our lives and my heart swelled so much that I thought it might explode. It was so full and ever expanding with everything little thing she did. When we became pregnant with Max, I worried like crazy that I would not be able to love another child as much as I did Hannah. How could there ever be enough room in my heart for another? Max came, and my heart swelled again. It simply grows and grows. There's no making room for another in your heart. Your heart grows. By the time we had Nicky I understood and didn't worry at all.
Then Max had to go. And my heart didn't shrink. There's a hole in it. It's an ache, an empty place in my being.